


i wish i remembered us

by civillove



Series: seblaine drabble prompts from tumblr [28]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2014-11-14
Packaged: 2018-02-25 09:45:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2617331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/civillove/pseuds/civillove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>andercriss asked:<br/>ONE OF THEM GETS INTO AN ACCIDENT AND GETS AMNESIA AND DOESN'T REMEMBER THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE</p>
            </blockquote>





	i wish i remembered us

The crash was awful.

He has broken four bones, has bruised ribs, a nasty head injury and loses a lot of blood.

But…that’s not the worst of it, because that’s not all Blaine loses that day.

When the doctors finally, _finally,_ let Sebastian see him he can barely make it to his bedside without his eyes filling with tears. His _beautiful_ broken fiancé, still gorgeous in ways that will never fade with age or ruin, is bandaged all over. He’s quiet, he’s sleeping, the heart monitor following small blips on the machine next to the bed.

Blaine doesn’t wake up for days and when he finally does, Sebastian is there, practically living in that hospital room with him. Those bright hazel eyes flutter open and _look_ at him and he’s pretty sure he’s never been happier in his life.

“ _Blaine.”_ He breathes, reaching for his hand as he stands from the chair he’s been sitting it. The shorter groans softly, trying to shift in bed. Sebastian shakes his head, gently touches his arm to stop him. “Just sit still.”

“What happened?” He chokes out, voice raw from not using it. Sebastian nearly knocks over the pink plastic container and cup on his nightstand as he pours him some water; his hands are shaking _that_ bad.

“Car accident.” Sebastian shakes his head, helps Blaine sip the water with some help. “Pretty bad one, they weren’t sure if—” He trails off and shakes his head again, as if to clear the thought completely from his mind. No. That doesn’t matter now. Blaine is here, he’s _alive,_ and he’s awake.

Blaine looks at him a moment and swallows, accepting another sip of water when Sebastian offers it. He seems to take him in for a second, like he’s not sure what to say or do. “I…it’s probably the painkillers but are all the nurses as nice as you?”

Sebastian smiles a little, lets out a sharp laugh that he doesn’t know if it sounds genuine or not. He didn’t think he’d be making anything close to that sound for a long while, so it sounds out of focus, vocal chords unused.

He smirks “Is that _flirting,_ I hear in your tone gorgeous? Who knew it’d take you being unconscious for three days to develop really awful pickup lines.” He teases and Blaine actually blushes.

But something isn’t right.

“No, I…” Blaine shifts in bed, lifting his one hand to rub his forehead but decides against it when he realizes there’s bandages there. “I’m sorry, I think I’m coming across the wrong way.”

Sebastian frowns, sits down in the chair he’s been permanently glued to the past few days. “You don’t need to apologize for flirting with me. It’s not like I haven’t made a thousand lewd comments about your ass that I’ve never said sorry for.”

Blaine hesitates and fidgets in bed again, but this time Sebastian can tell something is wrong. He’s _uncomfortable._ He frowns, like it’s difficult for him to say this even though it looks like he’s not sure why. “I’m sorry but I think you should leave.”

And that’s when it hits him, like a cold, dead weight falling directly into his stomach.

Blaine has no idea who he is.

000

“Is it permanent? That’s all I want to know.”

The doctor sighs, flipping through a few charts. He’s obviously busy but Sebastian can literally list alphabetically and numerically how much he doesn’t give a shit. This is his _fiancé,_ his future husband, his—his _everything._ He needs to know what’s going on and if it’s going to last.

“Blaine suffered a very severe head injury in the crash. He has what’s known as a type of dissociative amnesia. He’ll have memory gaps, difficulty with recalling personal information, he might even have trouble with self-knowledge—”

“You mean to tell me that he doesn’t even know who _he_ is?” Sebastian snaps, anger suddenly building up over and over again. Though he’s not sure who he’s mad at. It’s not the doctor’s fault and it’s not Blaine’s, it’s was a stupid accident, a simple twist of fate.

“Please calm down, Mr. Smythe.” He warns, holding his hand up as Sebastian crosses his arms over his chest. He wants to tell him that he has no _right_ to demand he remain calm when receiving information like this.

“Brain injuries are very fickle and _very_ complex. Blaine could have all of those symptoms or none at all. He might have to use therapies to help his recovery or he’ll recover on his own as the swelling goes down. He might recover or—”

“Or not at all.” Sebastian chokes out, glancing over his shoulder at Blaine in his room. His brother is with him, but even Cooper’s personality is dialed down considerably as Blaine watches him, not sure of who he is or what he’s doing here.

The doctor sighs gently, placing a hand on Sebastian’s arm before squeezing. “Talk to him, show him pictures, tell him stories. He’ll come back to you. _You_ have to believe that more than anyone.”

Sebastian says nothing as the doctor disappears, leaving him to stand outside Blaine’s hospital room and watch. Nothing of who he used to be. A stranger.

000

This isn’t the first time Sebastian has been through Blaine being in a hospital but he certainly wants it to be his last.

At least this time it isn’t his fault.

000

Sebastian does what he can. Once Blaine learns of his amnesia condition and Sebastian promises to be on his best behavior in his hospital room, he lets him visit with pictures and journals and conversations that they’ve had, things they’ve cherished and memories he wears on his skin.

Blaine listens, does his best to follow Sebastian’s line of thought, even warms up to him enough to smile. He can tell he’s just being polite, being kind (ironically like Blaine always is even if he doesn’t remember), but Blaine doesn’t actually _recall_ anything.

“So we go there a lot?” Blaine asks, picking up pictures of the Lima Bean. He scrunches his nose at it before glancing up at the other.

Sebastian nods. He mentality crosses off a calendar in his head. It’s been a month and Blaine looks healed, considerably better than before, at least on the outside.

“We used to. It’s actually the first place that I bought you coffee.” He chokes out, clears it quickly before smiling. “You were charmed with me instantly. Obviously.”

Blaine chuckles a little, shaking his head a little. He puts a picture down and picks up one of them together bundled up in coats and scarves. “Obviously.” He murmurs, running his thumb over his own face on the photo.

“Cooper took that. Your brother.” He knows he’s said that stuff before, knows he doesn’t need to repeat himself but everytime he does he feels like the information might stick. “You were as sick as a damn dog the next day. But you…you _insisted_ we go out and build a fucking snowman in 20 degree weather.”

Blaine smiles gently, looks down at the photograph again. “Was the snowman successful at least?”

The taller scoffs, sits down on the edge of Blaine’s bed. “Of course. I’m a professional, please.” Which makes Blaine laugh again.

Sebastian misses the sound more than he can describe. It’s so hard to sit there, practically on his hands, not able to reach out and _touch_ or kiss or hold close. Blaine is his, he’s always been his and now it’s…it’s different and painful and he’d give anything to have a year ago.

He’d even take when they weren’t speaking to one another for that one long month. He’d take anything.

“You know why that day is important?” Sebastian asks carefully, thumbing at the corner of the photograph. It’s a dumb question because of course Blaine doesn’t know.

But his hazel eyes are wide and curious, warm like honey. So Sebastian tells him.

“I gave you a ring that day. Engagement ring,” He clears his throat, like it’s hard to speak. “I actually…rolled it into a snowball and gave it to you to pack the snowman with.” Sebastian shakes his head, smiling a little. “Was a fucking awful idea because it got lost rather quickly, I should have known better than to take Cooper’s advice.”

“But I found it.” Blaine says, it sounds like a question even though it’s not. He states it not because he remembers but because he’s guessing with the information Sebastian is telling him. The taller hums and nods, runs his thumb over his own ring before touching Blaine’s hand and pointing out the other in case he’s missed it.

Blaine looks down at the ring but doesn’t acknowledge it. Not really. “I wish I remembered.” He says softly, like he’s sorry. He feels guilty for not remembering. But that guilt sort of sounds like pity and it prickles hotly in Sebastian’s skin.

He stands, runs his hands over his face in frustration. “You’re not trying.” He says.

“I am.” Blaine argues weakly, watches Sebastian pace. “I can’t…I can’t force it out of me, alright? I _am_ trying. I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing to me.” Sebastian snaps, his voice raising an octave. He wants to backtrack, wants to take that hurt look off of Blaine’s face.

Hurt by a stranger, a friend now maybe. But hurt nonetheless. He knows it’s not his fault but fuck, Sebastian is _frustrated,_ and he’s _lonely,_ and he misses Blaine. _His_ Blaine.

“I’m sorry I don’t remember us.” Blaine says anyways, his voice laced with a bit of frustration himself.

“Well, _I_ do!” He all but yells and grabs his coat, slamming the door on his way out.

He doesn’t come back for two days and Blaine hugs him tightly and asks him to _never_ do that again when he finally does.

This time it’s Sebastian who apologizes as he buries his face in Blaine’s neck, the skin and smell of him all familiar and painful at the same time.

000

It’s two months later and they’re at home. It’s tense at first but Blaine insists that he wants to try, that he _wants_ to remember Sebastian again. That the pictures and stories and the _feelings_ he has tucked away in his chest and his memory are too important to give up.

That it will all be worth it in the end.

Sebastian has never been an optimistic person but he wants to be. He tries to be because the alternative is unimaginable. Because he literally _can’t_ let himself be anything but.

He’s cooking dinner when Blaine steps into the kitchen, stares at him a moment. Sebastian looks over his shoulder and gives him a soft smile.

“Hope homemade tacos are alright, least you don’t remember how shit my cooking can be.” He makes jokes because what else can he do.

Blaine doesn’t respond. Doesn’t even smile.

“You dropped my ring into the tub.”

Sebastian nearly loses his hold on a bowl of cheese in his hands, his mouth open as he stares at Blaine. He swallows thickly, his voice catching as he speaks. “What?”

“I—” Blaine shifts, turns to look into the living room before back at Sebastian. “I was sitting in there and I…the day in the snow. When we came inside. Our hands were so cold as we were setting up the shower and you—”

“I dropped your ring into the tub.” The words tumble out of his mouth, broken syllables. “I lost it down the fucking drain. It took the plumbers a week to find it.”

Blaine laughs wetly, shrugging his shoulder as his thumb touches the ring on his finger. “It looks like you got it out of a gumball machine anyways.”

“ _Blaine.”_ Sebastian chokes because this, _this_ is his Blaine. He sets the cheese down and rushes forward, not caring that his fiancé is still talking and does what he’s been wanting to do the past four long hard months—he kisses him.

000

Two weeks past and Blaine starts making a full recovery. There are some memory lapses, some missing pieces that he has a hard time putting together himself. But the thing that matters is that he remembers _Sebastian_ and he can help him pick up the broken sections and make them fit. A lot of the time Blaine gets frustrated, as patient and optimistic as he can be, and decides to give up. It’s usually those moments where he ends up figuring things out for himself, building the memory from the ground up without Sebastian’s assistance.

Whatever way works. He’s not going to judge. Sebastian thought he lost Blaine for good—and he knows that death would have been worse, that that’s something he could have _never_ recovered from. But losing someone even when they’re still standing right in front of you is somehow worse than losing them completely. It’s not something he can explain or even justify but he felt in his bones those past few months.

And if it makes him cling to Blaine a little tighter than before, if he waits up just a bit longer to watch Blaine falls asleep, if he makes him laugh more or draws out their intimacies or holds him that much closer when he’s upset, well, no one is the wiser.

Sebastian turns on his side and blinks the sleep out of his eyes as Blaine shuffles closer into his body. He lets out a soft yawn, rubbing a hand over his face as he checks the clock before disarming the alarm that hasn’t gone off yet.

Blaine blinks sleepily at him, giving him a warm smile. His arm slides around Sebastian’s waist and squeezes. “Sam, hi.”  

Sebastian instantly freezes, looking down at Blaine as he trails his fingers over his side. No, wait. He—he has to have misheard. The doctor had said _nothing_ about his memory relapsing or creating further gaps once he started to recover. “You…”

Blaine smirks. “I’m kidding.” He smiles widely, a teasing in his eyes as a few moments pass. “Kurt, right?”

Sebastian lets out a noise and swats Blaine in his chest, he goes to hit him again but Blaine laughs and grabs his hand, forcing him to a stop. “You’re a little—” He shakes his head. “It wasn’t _any_ funnier the first time, Blaine.”

“Was a little funny,” Blaine chuckles, pressing a kiss to Sebastian’s chest. “Get that look off your face, I’m fine.” He assures gently, pressing his thumb into his hipbone. “My memories are good. Some have just come in slower than others.”

“Like what?” Sebastian asks, almost distracted as Blaine starts to kiss up his chest, lips hovering over his collarbone.

“Like…our sex drive.” Blaine smirks impishly.

Sebastian just grins before rolling them over, settling his body on top as Blaine wraps his legs around his waist. “How bout I _make_ you remember that one?” and kisses him firmly on the lips. 


End file.
